Easter '11

Jake finally asked. I knew the day was coming but I still wasn't prepared for it:

"Mom, tell me the truth: Is the Easter Bunny real?"

Gulp.

"Well, what do you think?" (stalling)

"I don't really think a giant bunny can hop from house to house all over the world. Seriously Mom, tell me the truth. Is it you and dad that hide the eggs?"

I am not a huge fan of Easter myself. And for some reason the Easter Bunny isn't nearly as sacred to me as Santa so I came clean. The look of disappointment on his face when I answered his question was so sad but he quickly

got over it. However, I knew it was only a matter of time before more questions surfaced - this time concerning the plausability of a fat man in a red suit flying through the air in a sleigh pulled by reindeer.

Double gulp.

Yep, not two days later we were driving alone in the car when he asked me, "Mom, tell me the truth: Is Santa Claus real?"

"Well, what do you think?" (stalling and trying not to panic)

"Mom, come on, don't lie to me. Do you and Dad put things in our stockings?"

"Yeah, you know that. We always put stuff in the stockings." (stalling... stalling...)

"OK, but does anyone BESIDES you put stuff in the stockings?"

"Yes" - (Thinking to myself, I am not lying. Sometimes dad or grandmas put stuff in stockings. Is being evasive the same as lying???)

"OK but does SANTA put things in the stockings? Is Santa real? Do you believe in Santa?"

Long pause. (THINK, THINK, THINK. Why don't they teach you about these moments in parenting school?)

"Jake, Santa exists in my heart and you can decide on your own if you believe in him" (oh,

yeah... that's brilliant, Mom!)

He wasn't quite satisfied with that answer but after asking the same question several more times and getting the same answer, he turned on the iPod and found his new favorite song to blast.

OK. So I chickened out- took the easy way out. But I am not ready for these questions. And I am definitely not ready for my baby to not believe in Santa.

Tanner Plays Ball

Tanner was so excited for his first t-ball game. All weekend he was reminding us that he played on Monday night (as if we could forget with Brian coaching!). When the day came we worried the game might be cancelled as it rained hard all morning. But by noon the skies had cleared and we even saw some sunshine and blue skies.

After all these years of getting to watch Jake play games it was finally Tanner's turn to play instead of just be a fan. He has spent so much time practicing in the backyard and on the Green with his dad and big brother (and sometimes his sister who plays outfield and pretends to be a "fairy" who flies to wherever the ball lands). When asked what his favorite thing to do is, he answers, "Play ball!".

He was a stud! Seriously, that kid's got talent. His stance is perfect- almost funny to watch as it is

so clear he is imitating the pros. His swing is right on. He can catch high fly balls. And he's got an ARM on him. He has obviously watched a lot of sports on TV and has benefitted from the years of watching Jake's teams play. He played first base in the first inning and made two plays there. His friend Evan was on the pitchers mound and those two play together at least twice a week so they had it down. He knows just where to stand and just where he needs to be when the ball is hit. He obviously gets so much joy out of playing the game.

It is so funny to watch these little guys play. Bless Brian for coaching. He is so patient and positive with the kids- even the ones that clearly have never seen a baseball game in their lives and have no clue how to throw or how to pay attention for that matter! They look so small out there on the field. I love how everyone gets to hit and there are no outs and everyone gets to run the bases until they "come home".

Such a difference from kid pitch (which Jake is playing this year). Suddenly the competition is on

and winning matters (at least to the players and coaches) and kids are aware of their individual performance. Ugh. I love it but it also terrifies me watching Jake and wanting so much for him to succeed because I know how much it means to him. So... the innocence of t-ball is so great.

Last night's game was too long by half an hour- all the kids were fidgety by the end- and it was COLD outside (everyone was bundled in hoodies, coats, wool hats, and gloves, not to mention blankets!) but it was so much fun to watch my boy in his element. My Tan Man. He was so happy and so excited to be there, clearly proud of himself and hamming it up in the outfield in the 2nd. Yes, this is one proud Mama.

Turning the Double Play

Yesterday was Opening Day for the North Boise Little League. For the first time, both Tanner and Jake are playing, so we weren't able to hit the Opening Day festivities AND the Hidden Springs Easter Egg hunt. Bye Bye Easter Bunny. Jake's team pictures were in the morning and Tanner's were in the afternoon, and since I am Assistant Coaching Jake's team and Managing Tanner'e team, that meant we were at the ballfield all day long.

In typical Boise spring fashion, it was alternately, cold with rain/snow and warm with sun over the course of the day, so we had to bring a truckload of equipment, jackets, sweatshirts etc. We hauled ourselves around two circuits of photos, the running the bases station, the pitching station, the obstacle course and the hitting station. We started about 10:30 in the morning and finished about 3:30 in the afternoon.

All the kids, including both of our boys had a really good time. Jake threw the fastest on his team, which is cool since he is the smallest kid. Tanner threw second hardest on his team and did great in the hitting station. The T-Ball kids are great, but the attention span isn't really there, by the time we got to the hitting station, there were only three kids left to hit.

Games for Jake start this week, Tanner has one more week of practice before he starts games, but our schedule is beyond crazy trying to keep up with both boys schedules as well as therapy appointments and work schedules. Tanner's team has practice on Monday and Wednesday. Jake's team has had practice on Tuesday and Thursday until now. This week he has games on Thursday night and Saturday afternoon. We both know this is the beginning of a new level of craziness that will go on, depending on the season for the next 18 years or so, when all three kids are involved in sports or something else.

So far, Marisa and I still remember

each others names when we pass in the night, but I'm not sure how much longer we'll be able to even say that at this rate. But as I have explained to her, when it gets to be too much. "You better be able to embrace the insanity, because you'll never make it thru otherwise". Enjoy the process, even if the process is slowly driving you stark raving mad. But in the short term, GO ROCKIES (Jake) and GO YANKEES (Tanner)!

Basketball Heaven

Jake and I took our trip to California last weekend (his birthday present from us and Auntie Sue) and it was even better than either of us had anticipated- and we were both pretty excited to begin with! The idea was that Jake would spend the weekend with his Auntie Sue, while I hung out with old friends. It was just what the doctor ordered- for both of us. Jake needed the one-on-one attention with one of his most favorite people in the world while I really needed to reconnect with old friends and have some time to myself after March being so difficult.

It was really fun to travel with just Jake- easy and low key. We played lots of games of Wordle on the way there, each of us had a good book to read, and it was fun to have the "alone" time together. I started my festivities an hour after landing by meeting some old friends from my Sycamore days for Happy Hour- just like old times. Some of the people there I hadn't seen since I had moved, five years ago! It was so much fun to catch up on everyone's lives- some had become Grandmas, others had several children marry or get engaged, one had retired. I felt like no time had passed. It was fun to catch up on "Sycamore Gossip" and just hang out. After Happy Hour Lisa and I went to dinner and got to spend a little more time together. I miss my friends!!

Jake had a great evening playing Old Maid (and winning prizes, of course), building forts in the garage, and watching a movie with Auntie Sue. I was spoiled with a Peets card to use during my visit, as well as some of my favorite Sees candies. We both needed the TLC and appreciated the thoughfulness so much.

The next day we were up bright and early (530AM) as Uncle Eric was picking Jake up to spend the day with him. Eric is equipment manager for the Warriors so he and Jake spent the day together at the Warriors practice facility- Jake got to meet the players, get autographs, see the training room, have a made-to-order breakfast by the team's chef,...even shoot some hoops with a player or two. Uncle Eric gave Jake so many Warriors goodies- tshirts, sweatshirts, workout gear, hats, and two b-balls. They were gone from 7AM until almost 6PM. Jake was so excited when he got home. He even has a picture of himself with his favorite player, Steph Curry.

While Jake was in basketball heaven, I was visiting with more friends. I had a several hour coffee break with Sheila in the morning, then headed to Livermore to check out the town. Lots had changed since we moved, but it still felt so familiar. It was fun to just hang out there for a few hours. Later that afternoon I met up with Shannon for drinks/dinner and lots of conversation! Again... I miss my friends! It was great to see Sheila and Shannon without any of the kids around! On Sunday I headed to San Jose to spend the morning/afternoon with Kim. We had a great afternoon together in downtown Los Altos. Again, without the kids... (Are you seeing a theme here??).

On Sunday Jake hung out with Auntie Sue (recuperating from the long day before) and got ready for the Warriors game. He and Mona and Auntie Sue celebrated his birthday before going (ice cream cake and all!) then headed to Oakland. Jake saw lots of people he "knew" from the day before and even got to go in the locker room during halftime. The players remembered his name and high fived him and stuff, which was very cool. He came home that night with even more Warriors loot from Uncle Eric, including a Steph Curry jersey.

It was a really great trip for both of us. It was so special for Jake to have the time with his Uncle Eric, Mona, and Auntie Sue (and the Warriors!) and for me to spend time with my friends and sister. I definitely want to make the trip more often in the coming years.

Jake Turns 8

Despite the challenges we have been facing and lack of sleep that has ensued, we managed to pull off a fun family birthday on March 17th for Jake. It was a school day so he brought treats to his class and said he had a great day. He was so happy that so many people wished him happy birthday- including special teachers.

He went to dinner with Brian at Chili's (his choice) and had his favorite meal: bacon cheeseburger and fries. Yep, he is a chip off the old block. After dinner he met Nana, the little kids and me at the Merc and opened his presents and picked out dessert. Brian and I gave him a trip to CA to spend the weekend with his Auntie Sue (next weekend) so he didn't have many presents to open. Mom gave him the one present he really wanted: a football wrist band play bracelet like the guys in the NFL use. After the festivities he played outside with a bunch of his friends until bedtime.

His friend birthday party was this Sunday. He had his friend Sean spend the night on Saturday, then his party began at noon. Many months ago I had purchased an hour with Games2u (a mobile video game truck/trailer) at a school auction. His friends and he played Madden 11, Monster Truck, and car racing inside the multi-level four-screen gaming area (complete with a fog machine and surround sound) while Faith played Dance Dance Revolution and Rock Band outside with the guys who run the truck.

The boys all played football later in the party with

Brian acting as full time QB and Tanner as the ref. He is so hard to buy for so most of his friends got him gift cards to sporting good stores, one friend brought him a new football, another bought him football trading cards and "gator gum". I guess his friends really know him! It was a long day but I think everyone had a great time.

Year 4 of a football themed party: Done.

End of Our Rope

We've always made an effort to make this blog as "real" and authentic as possible. We don't want it to be revisionist history or some pollyanna view of our happy family life. I think we've done a pretty good job documenting the good the bad and the ugly over the course of going on 6 years. That being said, we're going thru a pretty good run of ugly right now.

Anyone who has been reading this for any length of time is probably aware that Jake has had sleep issues his entire life. If not just go back and search if you're interested, otherwise take my word for it. And not just sleep issues, but massive, WWIII level issues that have come and gone in severity over the course of his life. They have been difficult to deal with at the time, but we have never chalked it up to more than just, "well he's a kid and it's just a stage". We're beginning to think we've been really, really wrong about that.

About six weeks or so ago, the sleep problems began to manifest themselves in a new way. The issues with going to sleep and staying asleep came back, along with fears of being alone, walking to school by himself etc. He has never been a kid who has been able to watch scary movies, being easily frightened, but again we never really put two and two together. All of the sudden, we couldn't read books with tension in them, not scary stuff even per se, just dramatic tension. For example, in a baseball book we're reading right now, some guys showed up at the sandlot looking to develop the land, surveyors, not spies or hired killers, but SURVEYORS, and that got him all freaked out so that we stopped reading that book.

This coincided with a note home from the counselor at school giving us a heads up that Jake got really scared during the "stranger danger" presentation that she had given. He started refusing to walk to school by himself, afraid he was going to be grabbed and kidnapped. For those who have never been here, we can see the school from our house (it's three blocks) and can watch him walking 95% of the way there. He was terrified after that of being alone. Wouldn't go upstairs by himself, wouldn't walk to the library (closer than the school by 1/2) and of course bedtime and sleeping thru the night was out of the question.

We decided that we would have him skip the "gun safety" presentation (welcome to Idaho!). And he asked us if he could skip the "internet safety" presentation as well. He could verbalize (he didn't like to, but he could) that he was afraid of being kidnapped. We explained that it was a safe area, that kidnapping was a VERY rare occurrence etc. But this extended into his bedroom at night as well. He was afraid that people were going to break in and take him. We tried to show him all the doors and windows were locked, the lights were on, that he was in the room with his brother, that Mom and Dad were in the house (I actually sleep closer to him than Tanner does), that we have a dog in the house etc. but nothing made a difference. Once we realized how irrational this fear was, we decided we needed to get some help.

We took Jake to see a children/family therapist. Marisa and I met with her once and described what was going on, his past history, the triggers and the effect it was having on our family to her. She made an appointment to talk to Jake, but to my surprise, in our first session, she brought up that it sounded like a possibly anxiety disorder and that medication might be necessary. At this point, I was still in denial about needing medication. But she saw Jake and talked to him once before our trip to Hawaii, and has seen him several times since.

In Hawaii, our vacation rental was broken into. Talk about horrible timing. Police officers at the house, Mom's and Dad's making sure the house was locked up tight at night, and the conversation that ensued, didn't make things any better, so the kids all slept on the floor in our room for the rest of the trip. No one really lost it or acted out, but it was just easier to move them in with us.

Well, since we have been home, things have continued to get worse. Now, not only is bedtime rough for Jake and us, but he has started talking his brother in to calling out for him (as we are losing patience) and is trying to bribe Tanner into staying awake with him. Tanner told us this (we were concerned that it would start to happen so we talked to Tanner about it a while ago) and we talked to Jake to put a stop to it. Now once Tanner falls asleep, Jake leaves his room and runs downstairs, refusing to be upstairs alone (the only one awake anyway) he refuse to go to his room until we go upstairs with him as well. So lately we have been held prisoner in our room at night to get him to fall asleep. We then get to sleep until about 11:00 or so, when he wakes up and calls out for us. At that point we have the option to fight with him and wake the rest of the house (and possibly our neighbors) up (this is NOT hyperbole, I thought the cops were going to come, he was banging on his door so hard and screaming so loud) or go sleep with him in the guest room. As a result, we haven't gotten a full nights sleep, nor slept in the same bed for weeks.

At the therapists advice, we took him to see his pediatrician Monday. His Dr. is wonderful, both with him and with us. He took it very seriously, ordered blood work (which all came back fine) and stated that he thought it was a general anxiety disorder and probably would require medication as well. He has referred us to a Child Psychiatrist who we are waiting to see.

In the meantime, we can't sleep, we're depressed and we're worried. About Jake, about the little kids and the effect it's having on them, about sleeping, about bedtime, about being horrible parents who have no patience, about our marriage and our sanity.

There you go, a healthy dose of the "ugly".

Faithy Turns 4!

We put out her presents on Friday while she was at school, which led to her running back and forth we she got home, screaming, "I can't wait! I can't wait!". All week leading up and all day Saturday, all she could talk about was her "Happy Birthday" and what she hoped that each person had gotten her.

This week in school, it was also her turn to be "special person". She and Marisa (more Marisa than Faith) did her poster board and we got to go into her class and watch her present it. She pointed to all of the photos and explained who each person was and what she was doing with them. Her class and teacher then sang her the special person song and she got to excuse her classmates all one by one. She also got to take home the class Teddy Bear "Calvin" for the week. Calvin has been to our house before, but each time the children get him, he is supposed to accompany that person for the week and you complete a photo pages of what you did with Calvin when you were the special person. The photo album goes with Calvin to each home. It's pretty cool to see all of the places that Calvin has been.

Calvin went out with us on Saturday night to pizza with some friends. After dinner we stopped on the way home and got donuts for Faith's "Birthday Breakfast". Sunday morning Faith got up, had her donuts and then opened her presents. She got a couple of new "guys" a stuffed dog and bunny that she just loved, a new game which we played as soon as presents were done, some very pretty new clothes and new"ballerina stuff" and dance lessons from her Auntie Sue. She immediately changed into her ballerina clothes and we put in the ballerina lessons CD and she proceeded to dance around the living room to the music.

After the presents, we went to an indoor play area here called "Monkey Business". Faith had requested that she go there for her party. The guests that she wanted to invite were Tanner and Jake. So the three of them played in the obstacle course, bouncy house and giant slide for the next hour or so. We then went out and got lunch, ran some errands (the included picking up the Princess cake) and came back home.

After dinner and cake, which the kids liked less than the "idea" of cake. We had a movie night and watched "Alpha and Omega". After that it was off to bed for our exhausted and very happy four year old girl.

Hawaii!!

We've only been back since Saturday night but already it seems a lifetime ago so I'd better write this blog tonight before I forget everything I want to remember!

After a night at the Super 8 punctuated by a police and paramedic visit to the room across the hall for some idiot drinking Four Locos and taking who knows what at midnight, we took off for paradise at 430AM to catch our 600 flight. Having never flown with the kids before we wanted to get there early and through security. The kids were very excited about the whole thing: the shuttle to the airport, waiting in line to check luggage, taking off shoes and sweatshirts going through security ("Why do we have to take off our shoes, Mommy?" Ummmmm..... good question.). We took a small plane to Portland and Tanner especially loved watching the props turning, the loudness of the experience, the flight attendant serving him diet coke at 6AM.... it was all new to them and it was so much fun to watch them. Luckily our plane was right on time because we landed in Portland and literally walked right onto our flight to Honolulu- we got lucky because that connection was tight. The six hour flight went great- kids played video games and watched movies while Brian and I read our books for the most part. Once in Honolulu we basked briefly in the sunshine, then ate a quick lunch and caught the flight to Kauaii.

We were the first to arrive and after

arriving at the house we headed straight down to the beach to check it out. The kids were so excited!! They got in immediately and started playing "run away from the waves". Lots of screaming ensued. No fear from Tanner and Jake- you would have thought they had spent their weekends at the beach instead of this being their first experience. Faith was a little more nervous and kept farther away from the water the first afternoon, preferring instead to dig in the sand and watch her brothers.

All of the aunts and uncles and cousins arrived soon after and everyone played until it got dark. The house we stayed in was right on the beach- bordered by a grassy area perfect for games of baseball and football when it was too cold/early/rainy to walk the extra 50 yards to the water. Most mornings found us sitting outside on the patio with our coffee while the kids played together, followed by a morning boogie boarding at the beach, lunch at the house, then some type of afternoon outing.

One day we went into Hanalei- a cool little town about half hour north-to get lunch and Hawaiian Ice and watch the waves (the beach was closed due to the strong surf), another day we found a beach by a little river with a rope swing which the kids (old and young) loved. One day we went souvenier shopping and ice cream eating in nearby Kapa'a. On the fourth night there we headed into Poipu to catch the free Hula show at the Sheraton (we had seen it 7 years ago when we were there!) only to find out upon arrival (45 minute drive later) that there was no Hula show during the construction (website failed to mention the fact that most of the hotel was not accessible at all!). Should have called first I guess.... but it turned out OK in the long run as we found a great little restaurant nearby with good food and two big tables (one for kids one for adults) just as a gigantic thunder storm hit. We followed that up with some ice cream back at the Poipu shopping village and all was well with the world.

Tanner was a surfing pro. He loved

standing in the shallow ocean (sometimes just wet sand, really) and waiting for the waves to "hit" him. He looked like a surfer with his stance and his bleach blonde hair. He would ride out the little wave as long as he could then fall to the sand laughing. He could've done it for hours. Another day he spent hours digging a hole. It was so deep and once he got it started all the cousins began helping him, decorating it with sticks, making it deeper, etc... It was so much fun to watch them all. We kept track of the hole throughout the week, coming out to check on it first thing each morning to see if the surf had washed it away yet. Last we saw it was still there in all it's glory. At the end of the trip, he was a full on swimmer, bodysurfing the waves in over his head and loving it. This trip went a long way towards helping his confidence in the water.

Jake was great at boogie boarding and had no fear of the water at all. He would have gladly

gone out deeper if we had let him. The house had three boogie boards so the cousins all took turns using them while an adult stayed out in the water with them and "supervised" making sure none of them disappeared into the waves (one of my big fears). He kept at boogboarding and bodysurfing so much that he got a rash on his chest from the sand and surf. He also went off the "rope swing" at the river beach we went to. It was cold, fresh water and he had to swim across the river to get there, but he did it and had a lot of fun. He was so excited to play football on the beach and did so each day with Brian and John. He also organized baseball games out on our back lawn for all the cousins, coaching Aidan how to hit the ball properly.

Faith was content to stay in the very shallow area and play in the sand.

Whenever she could wrangle one or two of the surfboards from her cousins she would pretend they were here doggies or her horsies and would lead them around by the tethers, talking to them and bringing them to their "stable" (created in the sand with two funnoodles). She really wanted to go to a Hula Show and see the dancers so after our first failed attempt we tried again the next night at a different location. We went separate ways that night: Our family and Quincy went to the hula show; Kim's family and Jessa went to the tropical mini golf place nearby; Lisa and John had "date night".

The hula show was a great success. For the fourth song they invited all the kids up to learn how to dance and Faith was eager and willing to participate. She had on her grass skirt and hula top, her flower lei and bracelet and she followed along like a pro. After they taught the kids the dance they ended the show with one last song. The kids all went back to sit in the audience, but not Faith. She got up and stood behind them (off to the side) and copied all of their movements. At the end when the dancers all waved at the clapping audience, she waved, too. She was definitely the star of that number. What a ham!

Evenings were relatively quiet- kids in bed around 8 and adults in bed not much after 9. Except for the first night fiasco of Lisa's purse being stolen out of her bedroom (while we were in a different part of the house) and the general anxiety and typical bummer that kind of theft produces, the trip was wonderful. The kids slept on their own the first night, but after the theft was discovered, and the kids met the responding officers at the front door, they were on a mat in our room the rest of the trip. Falling asleep and waking up with the pounding surf in the background is always a great way to sleep. We are so grateful for the experience and the memories!

Off to the islands.....Mid-Winter Update

We leave for Hawaii this evening. We are staying at the airport hotel the night before our flight as we depart at 6AM and can park for free for the week if we stay there. The kids think we are leaving Saturday morning at 430AM so they will be really excited to learn that we are actually leaving Friday. Miss Wendy had stomach flu on Monday so daycare was closed. She said that it is going around Trav's work and the VA where two of the other daycare moms work so Brian and I decided to tag team it and keep the little ones home all week. It's been a little challenging, but luckily work has been slow. It has been so fun to watch them play together with little interaction from an adult. They are clearly each others best friend. I don't think they have so much as argued all week long and have been doing everything from Nerf War to Legos to snowball fights with Jackson. Of course that has all been interspersed with lots of coloring and quite a bit of TV.

Everyone is so excited for the trip. We are all packed and basically ready to walk out the door after work tomorrow. Tanner has marked Kauai on our map, Faith has heard all about the leis and hula dancers, and Jake is looking forward to the ocean and sand. However, I think Tanner is most excited at this point for the plane ride. I guess from a five year old's perspective that must be pretty cool- to have seen the planes flying through the air all these years and finally be able to ride on one! I am sure the thrill will wear off sometime around hour 2. Or minute 15. We'll see! For me, I am looking forward to sunshine and spending time with my sisters (not necessarily in that order).

We drop Jackson at the kennel at 5PM. He has so quickly become part of our family. We are all going to miss him- although I think Brian will miss him the most. Those two are like peas in a pod. When Brian is gone Jackson lays in front of the front door sadly until he comes home. We are working on the training. He is not very good on a leash and has no fear of the street or cars and will gladly chase any other animal that he sees. But he uses the doggie door religiously, sleeps where he is supposed to, and is learning that the table at dinnertime is no place for doggies. The kids adore him and often spend an hour at a time throwing the ball for him in the backyard (or snowballs at him, as happened yesterday!). Although we all truly miss Milo it is nice to have a younger dog in the house.

Here's to safe travels, warm weather, fresh fruit coladas, and lots of downtime.

Pitchers and Catchers Report

It was a beautiful weekend here, record high temps both days. The first nice weekend towards the end of February always gets me. The sun shines the kids want out to play, the dog wants a walk, people are outside on bikes and my thoughts turn to baseball.

It was so great with the Giants playing until the end of the season for the first time in a few years that it seems like baseball just ended, but as pitchers and catchers get set to report again already, even us LIttle League families are getting back into it.

One of the parents of Jake's team from last year made arrangements for some private hitting practice with the Boise High Baseball coach for the boys so Jake and I headed over to the American Legion indoor hitting facility today for some practice. There were four other boys from his team there and they all got some personalized hitting instruction and got to hit off tees in the cages for awhile. Jake did great, the coach noted that he has a pretty natural swing and gave him a couple of small tweaks to work on and kind of signed off on him. Jake had a really good time, was happy the coach thought he could hit well and just hit the rest of the time. He's really ready for baseball this year and can't wait to start minors.

Since I knew I was taking Jake out this evening, I made it a point of getting Tanner out earlier today on the green across from the house. We hit off the tee, took some grounders, played catch and just worked out for an hour or so. He does really well and is a natural like his brother. One of the aforementioned little league parents came by while we were playing and was amazed by how well Tanner was hitting the ball since he hasn't played league yet. Jake's PE coach also came by and commented on Tanner's strong arm and accurate throws. So Tanner is all fired up and ready for T-Ball to start as well.

We are off to Hawaii this next weekend, but wil be back at it, I am sure, in full swing, when we get back leading up to opening day.

Super Bowl Sunday

After the success of our "Grown-Up Game Night" on New Years Eve, I suggested to Marisa (yes, I suggested...me, I know, right?) that we host a Super Bowl Party for the same group of friends.

Marisa set the whole thing up, sending out the invites, assigning food etc. and come kick-off, there were ten adults and twelve kids in our front room. We had a very good time, with a ton of food and beer (we didn't make the cake in the picture, one of our neighbors did), good conversations for the football and non-football fans alike.

The kids watched here and there (loudly...kids do EVERYTHING loudly I've come to realize), and played in the yard in the dark and up in the boys bedroom and generally left the adults to socialize and/or watch the game. With the exception of a couple of kids rooting for the Steelers to be contrary, everyone was rooting for the Packers and the room was in good spirits for the entire game.

As the game dragged on, we started to lose some folks to bedtimes etc. (it is a school night after all) so only a few die-hards saw the actual end of the game. This was my kind of social event, where watching the TV in the corner is actually encouraged, instead of something you just get caught doing. We had bad food and beer, which I don't really drink that much anymore, but did enjoy during the game.

Jackson was the hit of the party, playing with the kids and making new friends with all the grownups. Now that this party is down we'll see who in the group steps up next time. We have a pretty good gang of friends with Jake's classes parent group. Now we'll have to set something up with Tanner's friends, maybe after T-Ball season...

Grief 101 or 'Everyone Has Their Own Way of Healing"

The kids and I were in the hot tub last night and Tanner suddenly pointed up to the sky and said, 'Look, Mom, there's Milo!". He started waving and telling Milo he loved him. He said he was on the moon, on the star, up in the clouds. I played along, and so did Jake, saying things like, "He's watching us to make sure we are OK" and "Look at that... he is on a big soft fluffy couch!". Jake added that he is sure that he is God's favorite dog. Faith, meanwhile, was looking more and more bewildered and started getting indignant. "I don't see him! Tanner, where is he??? I don't see him!". After explaining that we saw him in our imagination and that he wasn't REALLY in the sky, she enjoyed this way of remembering our Boy.

We received two beautiful condolence cards from our vet this week. One was from our regular vet- Milo was so healthy I think he only saw this vet twice since we moved to ID- and one from the emergency vet that was with us when we had to say goodbye. Both cards were handwritten and so thoughtful. We also received a wonderful card from Auntie Sue (along with some gift cards for ice cream because "ice cream tends to help the grieving process") and a gift box from Grandma Mary and the whole Crebar clan with new toys/treats for Jackson (more on that later) and chocolate and skittles for us (I am a big fan of chocolate, candy, and ice cream helping to heal....). Thank you, too, to everyone that sent emails of condolence- Lissa, we so appreciated your "raising two glasses" in honor of Milo on Monday night and laughed out loud at your offer of a "loaner" :)

So.... Jackson. He's our puppy. Yes, you read that right. Out of no disrespect for Milo, in fact, probably out of a need to fill a very empty spot in our hearts and home, we have a dog. Not a "new dog" or a "replacement dog"... just a dog. We found him online. A military family was being transferred and couldn't take him with them. He is 9 months old and he and Brian bonded immediately upon meeting. We had to take him home. He is a mutt- part Airedale Terrier we think. He joined our family on Wednesday and he is making himself right at home. The kids adore him- Faith loves to play tug-of-war with him, Tanner loves to throw the tennis ball for him, and Jake has already found Jackson's favorite place to be scratched (underside of belly, left side). He follows Brian from room to room. He will clearly be Brian's dog first and foremost.

Even though I was nervous about getting another dog so soon after Milo passed away and felt like we were "dishonoring Milo's memory" in some way, I think this is Brian's way of healing. He hasn't forgotten Milo and never will, but this has helped ease the sadness and given him something different to focus on. Milo's death was really traumatic and sudden. Brian was amazing during the two hours it took to get our boy through it. He was calm and so loving. During that difficult morning I took care of the kids- helping each one to say goodbye before calling a friend/neighbor to come pick them up at 745 so we could get Milo to the vet. Brian sat with Milo and I like to think he helped ease his pain and suffering. He rode in the back of the Suburban with Milo on his lap, petting and talking to him for the seemingly endless drive to the emergency vet. We both cried as we said goodbye and held him in his final minutes. Driving home from the vet with Milo's dog tags jingling from the rearview mirror was hard, but even harder was the quiet and stillness we found in the house when we returned home.

In the hot tub last night I found myself really hoping that Milo was up there, looking down at us, and feeling happy that his people are doing well. The kids wanted to know if when they die they will get to be with Milo. Wow. All these questions about death and heaven and faith and God are hard ones. I guess for me...I'd like to believe that Milo is up there with Grandpa Simonich, eating some bacon treats on a comfy bed, enjoying watching the daily lives of the Alan Family unfold.

Goodbye Old Friend

It's been a rough day today. Our much beloved and VERY old family dog passed away today. It was very hard and traumatic for the kids, and if possible, even more difficult for me. Milo and I had been together for 14+ years.

When I tell people that I didn't know exactly how old Milo was they always thought that he was a rescue dog. That's true to a certain extent, but I'm pretty sure the rescue was the other way around. I had just broken up with the girl I was living with and we were getting kicked out of the house we were renting anyway, when Milo just showed up at the door one day. He was a scrawny little puppy, part pit-bull part something and just the sweetest dog ever. We lived by a truck stop and I'm sure that he was just a truckers puppy who had enough. He had obviously been mis-treated (emotional scars he would carry for the rest of his life), but always had the sweetest disposition. Anyway, I didn't know where I was going in life, or what I was going to do, but now I had this dog to do it with.

I stayed with my Mom for awhile to get some debt paid off and figure life out. Milo couldn't stay with us, so I boarded him at an obedience farm in the hills. Since I was paying so much for him to be there for so long, they threw in lessons for free. I would go see him and work with him on the weekends. Eventually, when I got my life together and bought my house in Tracy on my own, Milo came home with me (very well trained by then).

The house had a huge yard and Milo loved it there. We rode to Home Depot together in the truck on weekends and he would keep me company while I remodeled the house little by little. He was my constant companion while I worked thought this hermit phase of my life. We went everywhere together, he slept in my bed with me (under the covers - he was a wimp in the cold) and eventually, he and I pulled me out of my funk.

When Marisa found my profile on line - Milo was there in my profile picture with me. When she came over for one of our first dates, Milo was there while I cooked us dinner. When we decided to buy our house in Livermore, Milo came with us.

Milo lived thru some of the biggest uphevals in my life with me. Our remodel/addition in Livermore (complete with built in dog-door/tunnel in the blueprints). First Jake, then Tanner, then Faith. The move to Idaho. He was always there, my dog. He became my family's dog, our first dog.

Milo lived a very happy and long, healthy life by doggie standards. He was healthy every day and I like to think happy as well. Much to Marisa's consternation, he was denied nothing by me his entire life. If he wanted on the bed, he got on the bed. He was allowed on the couches. The AC was left on when we weren't home for him. He was never banished from our bedroom (My threat always was, the dog has been here longer then you, if you don't like it, you sleep in the other room) which she always took in the good-natured way it was intended, but he still had his corner.

Milo was not much of a dog by normal dog standards. He didn't play fetch. He would chase the ball, find where you threw it and then leave it there and come back. He didn't like to romp. Didn't like to play with other dogs. As he got older he wasn't much for walks (he would tire after a block or so) but he was always game to give it a shot. His favorite thing to do, for most of his life, was to wake up from a nap, have a BIG doggy stretch, then go find a new spot to go back to sleep.

Anyway, now he's gone. I'll miss you bud. Thanks for the rescue.

God if you're listening, please give him a scratch behind the ears (he liked that). He doesn't need much, just a spot in the sun on a comfy couch if you wouldn't mind. You'll enjoy him, he's a really good dog.

Baseball and Hockey

Yesterday Marisa called into one of the local radio stations and won a contest for four hockey tickets for the Steelheads game last night. Since Faith is still three (at least for a little while more) she is still free. Originally, she said she didn't want to go to the hockey game and was going to stay with Nana while we took the boys. But as zero hour approached, she changed her mind and came with us at the last minute.

We went out to our local "by the slice" pizza place for dinner and then drove downtown to the arena. We had seats up high in the second deck where we haven't sat before. We were in the first row, so we had this awesome view of the entire rink. Aside from being a little concerned that Tanner and Faith might fall thru the railing, the game was great. We have done the four for $40 plan before, and that what we won. Four tickets, four hotdogs and four cokes. Pretty cool free night out.

As usual, we did sleepover night, this time with all three kids on our floor. They slept in late, but again as usual, the morning was marked by fits, crying and yelling. Aside from never going out, I don't know what to do about that as the cause and effect is so obvious. So we announced that everyone would be taking naps, which provoked more crying and yelling....talk about a no win scenario.

In between fits, I took Jake and Tanner down to get them signed up for Little League. Jake is playing AA this year (kid pitch) for the first time and Tanner is staring T-Ball. I will be coaching Tanner's team and am really looking forward to it. It was 25 degrees and icy out this morning when we left, and really hard to believe that pitchers and catchers report in 30 days!

Ski Lessons

All three of the kids were in ski lessons last week. Tanner and Faith were in a small group together in the Mighty Mites program at Bogus and Jake was in a larger group learning to snowboard. They had lessons from 945-12 Thurs, Fri, Sat, and Sun. This was a huge commitment as it meant we left the house each day at 8AM and by the time we had lunch at the lodge, changed into "napping clothes" for the ride home, and drove back down the mountain it was 2PM.

Originally we had signed up to do lessons in February- one lesson each week on Sundays- but when we were given the gift of a trip to Hawaii mid-Feb we changed plans and this was the only session left. It made for a crazy week but it was also a lot of fun. I have of course always been proud of my kiddos but after seeing them in action this week on the slopes- their willingness to try and to persevere through the extremely cold weather (2 degrees for Thurs/Fri!) I have even more respect for them.

We were all exhausted each afternoon and spent the remainder of each day playing Wii, watching football, and coloring quietly at the table. Brian and I even napped each day- I love that the kids are old enough now to just take care of themselves for an hour!! It definitely wore us all out. The prep for getting all three kids ready for lessons, the car packed, mittens sorted, jackets on, boots on, helmets on, hand warmers in, skis dropped off, etc.... was huge.

On Thursday we dropped Faith and Tanner at the Mouse House expecting some tears or trepidation but they both seemed happy as clams. Jake, of course, was raring to go and had no qualms about his lesson. After getting them all to the right spots, Brian and I headed inside to watch from the warmth of the lodge where they wouldn't be able to see us.

We saw Faith and Tanner trudging out of the Mouse House holding their instructor's hand, bundled up tightly so with hats and gloves and turtlenecks and goggles that only their chins were visible. Right away Faith started to cry. We could see her sobbing. The instructor kept bending down to hug her and comfort her and we watched, hoping it would get better. Tanner, on the other hand, got right into the swing of things and did everything the instructor showed him with no fear. After watching from afar for a few minutes we headed outside. We tried to hide so Faith wouldn't see us and we listened to her crying "I want my Mama! Please let me go inside to see my Mama!". Yeah, that was hard to see and not jump in to fix. She was clearly miserable- but I figured if I rescued her that first day she would never go back the next day and maybe not even next year without trepidation so I surreptitiously took her teacher aside and was told to go inside, not let her see me, and know that she would be just fine, that there were always one or two that cried the first day. OK. So I headed inside to watch from afar.

She cried the entire two hours. Never stopped. However, when Brian picked her up at noon and asked how it was, she said, "Good!". I found out later she only said that because she thought she was done and didn't realize she had three more days to go. Tanner said he loved it and Jake, even though he spent a lot of the time on the ground, said he loved it, too.

Days 2,3,4 were WAY better. No tears from Faith. She ended up loving it and even asked me this morning if we could go skiing again today. The instructors were so amazing with the kids and Tanner I guess was really really helpful with his sister. After the first day his teacher wanted to put him in a higher level class because he was doing so well, but Tanner wanted to stay in the same group so he could help Faith. They are still so sweet together, those two.

Jake's snowboard "report card" that they gave us gave him a glowing review- especially for being the youngest in class by far. Both Tanner and Jake sobbed last night, saying that they missed their teachers and were so sad that they would never ever see them again. Tanner insisted on sleeping with his skiing "report card" that had a picture of his ski group in it. The drama gene is clearly alive and well in our middle son, too.

So now our next step is to figure out how to actually ski with the kids- being outnumbered it is a little tricky. Our plan is to take Grandma up with us this month. Brian will snowboard with Jake while I take turns skiing on the little slope with Tanner and Faith. Mom can entertain whoever is not skiing at any particular time in the lodge. We'll see how it goes and evaluate if it is something I can do on my own with the two little ones.

New Years 2011

It has been many years since Brian and I have had plans for New Years. Generally it is a night like many others- in bed early after a marathon of Mad Men or West Wing, The Wire, Lost, Dexter, or whatever TV show we happen to be addicted to that particular year. Babysitters are hard to come by and really, we're not that social. Dinners out on New Year's are too expensive and neither one of us are big drinkers.

However, this year we planned a Grown Up Game Night at one of our neighbor's houses- Grandma was in town to watch the kids and we were ready for some champagne and adult company after spending practically all waking vacation hours with the children! It was just four couples, but we all brought appetizers and champagne and games and had a great time- all the women even got fancy "2011 HAPPY NEW YEAR" hats. Most of the game time was devoted to Taboo- really funny!

I have to admit, we did not make it up until midnight, we all decided to celebrate New Years on Central Time instead of Mountain. So, at 11PM we used the noisemakers and the English crackers. We were home, asleep at midnight our time, but that's the closest we've come to bringing in the New Year in a long time!

In 2011 we have lots to look forward to: a trip to Hawaii in February with Kim and her family, a 40th b'day celebration at Discovery Bay in August, as well as YMCA Family Camp with friends. Our day-to-day life will remain blessedly the same: both Brian and I working out of our home, spending time with the kids, looking forward to the sports seasons as they come and go (both professional and kids sports!), continuing our newfound passion for fitness with good ol' Tony Horton, and enjoying our relatively simple life here in Boise.

The kids have resolved to eat crust in 2011 (OK.... we resolved it FOR them, actually) while we have resolved to simplify our lives by de cluttering and cleaning out every part of the house- basically trying to make do with LESS and appreciate it MORE.

Happy 2011 to all of our friends and family! We hope that it finds you happy, healthy, and grateful.

Christmas

Christmas Eve day was mellow, filled with card games and Wii, and writing letters/drawing pictures for Santa and his reindeer. Santa had sent personalized video messages for each of the kids, so we watched those together. Tanner was the most entranced by this activity and you could tell he really believed it was from Santa himself. Faith was scared of it at first, but sat on Brian's lap and watched it, even smiling a little as she realized it was just a movie. Jake still wholeheartedly believes in Santa, but he questioned the elves ("Why do they put things in boxes and packaging? It makes me think that they buy the toys at the store instead of making them!") and also the existence of Rudolph ("I don't know if I believe in Rudolph, Mom. I mean, he isn't in all the books and movies and he has a red nose? I mean, why can't Santa use a light?".At 3:30 we put in The Santa Clause 2 and due to the DVD player malfunctioning, we ended up all six of us in our bed upstairs- actually there were 7 of us if you count Milo! We all enjoyed the movie, complete with fresh popcorn.

After a snacky dinner then we opened our Christmas Eve jammies. Mary had made all of the kids jammies for the occasion. I looked stunning in my Mickey Mouse Christmas Feeties and Brian was quite handsome in his Capital High jams that the kids had got for him.

The kids took baths, and then headed back downstairs to open the Family Game. It was a game called Headbandz that Grandma Mary had gotten. Each player wears a headband and puts a picture card on the front of it. You can't see your own picture, only the pictures that other people have. You take turns asking questions to try to guess what is on your head. Faith needed lots of help, but Tanner was KING of this game. He asked great questions and clearly got the deductive reasoning bit of the game. After several rounds of this game we decided it was time for bed.

The kids put out the cookies, milk, and letters for Santa and we put them all together in the boys room- Tanner's mattress moved onto the floor by Jake's bed, Faith in bed with Jake. After about an hour of excited chattering from upstairs, they fell asleep and we went to work on the Talking Princess Oven.

Jake woke up at 4:45 (obviously he takes after his mother in the area of excitement on Christmas morning. I remember waking up that early and then waking Kim up to share in the excitement). The little ones slept until almost six. We brought them all in our bed for a little bit and then let them wake up Grandma (who had already been awake for awhile, I am sure) at 630.

Santa had brought Nerf tag and snuggies for all the kids, and filled their stockings with all sorts of toys, baseballs, books, candy, and assorted craziness. Faith was most

interested in her Pez. We usually take a breakfast break after stockings but this year it was so early no one was hungry yet, so we plowed into the presents, employing the "whoever opens a present picks the next one" strategy. We took a break from the festivities to go pick up Reba (she was at mom's house for the night since she had taken to opening presents under the tree and tearing them to bits during the night) and make pancakes.

The kids played with the things they had opened already-CuPonk for Jake and Tanner, a coloring book and new sharp crayons for Faith. After pancakes and bacon (except Tanner who chose yogurt and sausage... mmmm) we went back to the tree to open more gifts.

Jake's favorite gift was Madden 11- he was sooooo excited when he opened it and must have hugged and thanked Mary about 30 times. I thought he might cry

he was so excited. He also got NFL Football Training Camp for Wii from us, a Mike Lupica book from Grandma Cori, a digital picture frame for beside his bed from Auntie Sue, a dart board from Papa, and some cool new tennis shoes from Uncle Eric.

Tanner and Faith's favorite presents were the Pillow Pets from Quincy and Jessa. They haven't let them out of their sight since Christmas morning- even accompanying us to the airport this morning to drop off Mary. Tanner got a Wii fishing game from us, a build a bear from Mary that has an iPod speaker in it, legos from Auntie Sue, and finger paints/puzzle from Papa.

Faith got the talking princess oven from Auntie Sue, legos (pink, of course) from Uncle Eric, and a Build-a-Bear puppy from Grandma Mary. In the end, they got WAY TOO MUCH STUFF and even tho we vow every year not to go overboard....we did (or, rather, all of the family did!). Christmas Day was pretty mellow, too, culminating with a hastily thrown together dinner of pasta and garlic bread (Note to self: Next year buy the Honey Baked Ham and make the grits!!!).

We were truly blessed by Grandma Mary's presence this year and already miss her. We missed all of the rest of our families and all of our friends in CA but feel grateful to keep up through email, phone calls, Skype, text messages, holiday cards (arguably my favorite part of Christmas!), and even Facebook. Merry Christmas to Everyone!