It's Times Like This That I Wish I Were a Heavy Drinker

So, Brian was out of town Wed. and Thursday this week. After having it basically under control on Wednesday night and Thursday morning, I figured Thursday night would be a breeze. Just a few hours until Daddy comes home. Uh... nope.

Faith is teething (for real this time) and refused to let me put her down. If I (god forbid) put her on the ground to, say, grab the bat out of Tanner's hands before he bludgeneond his brother with it, she would scream like her hair was on fire. So, to make life easier, I decided to put her in the stroller and take them all out for a nice neighborhood walk. It was a gorgeous evening so all the neighbors were out to witness what happened next.

The boys brought their hockey sticks and balls to play with on the sidewalk, I pushed the stroller and encouraged Tanner to keep up (poor kid is going to end up a fast walker like me simply because if he doesn't he will be left in the dust).

About 2 minutes into our walk Tanner spotted a dog. He is terrified of dogs. This one, although it was the approximate size and shape of a football, was no exception. He started running down the sidewalk in the opposite direction. So, i left the stroller, ran after him, and let Faithy scream her heart out since I was out of direct eye contact. I scooped up Tanner, now trying to push Faith while still letting her see my face, and hold Tanner (still screaming) with his hockey stick and all. At this point, my eldest son decided to throw the tantrum of all tantrums. I can't even remember what he was mad about but he was exhausted and he just LOST it. There were tears, there was yelling, he told me that I was the worst mommy ever and that he would not longer "let me" get coffee. I guess that was the worst threat he could think of- taking away my favorite luxury. At one point took his hockey stick and brandished it in front of my face in a threatening gesture. I immediately took the hockey stick and told him he lost it for the night and next day. This prompted a loud, screaming, tug-of-war with said hockey stick with me trying desperately to calm Tanner down and ignore Faith's continued screams. Remaining calm, I spit wonderful parenting words out of my mouth such as, "I have never been so embarrassed in my life!" and "Get yourself inside immediately or there will be no dessert and no movie for a week!". My neighbors watched on with amusement, I am sure. Things didn't improve upon entering the sanctuary of our house- except that now I was no longer suffering publically. I put the hockey stick way out of reach and Jake, now hysterical with irrational pleas, tried to climb up chairs to get it down while begging me to change my mind. It was not a pretty sight. All the while Faith was still sobbing (I just gave up even trying with her) and Tanner, after having calmed down about the football dog, was now crying hysterically about Milo "trying to get" him.

This is when I put the boys in front of the TV, put Faith to bed, got out the Ben and Jerry's and cranked up the song, "You're Gonna Miss This" and just LAUGHED.