Jake Turns 8

Despite the challenges we have been facing and lack of sleep that has ensued, we managed to pull off a fun family birthday on March 17th for Jake. It was a school day so he brought treats to his class and said he had a great day. He was so happy that so many people wished him happy birthday- including special teachers.

He went to dinner with Brian at Chili's (his choice) and had his favorite meal: bacon cheeseburger and fries. Yep, he is a chip off the old block. After dinner he met Nana, the little kids and me at the Merc and opened his presents and picked out dessert. Brian and I gave him a trip to CA to spend the weekend with his Auntie Sue (next weekend) so he didn't have many presents to open. Mom gave him the one present he really wanted: a football wrist band play bracelet like the guys in the NFL use. After the festivities he played outside with a bunch of his friends until bedtime.

His friend birthday party was this Sunday. He had his friend Sean spend the night on Saturday, then his party began at noon. Many months ago I had purchased an hour with Games2u (a mobile video game truck/trailer) at a school auction. His friends and he played Madden 11, Monster Truck, and car racing inside the multi-level four-screen gaming area (complete with a fog machine and surround sound) while Faith played Dance Dance Revolution and Rock Band outside with the guys who run the truck.

The boys all played football later in the party with

Brian acting as full time QB and Tanner as the ref. He is so hard to buy for so most of his friends got him gift cards to sporting good stores, one friend brought him a new football, another bought him football trading cards and "gator gum". I guess his friends really know him! It was a long day but I think everyone had a great time.

Year 4 of a football themed party: Done.

End of Our Rope

We've always made an effort to make this blog as "real" and authentic as possible. We don't want it to be revisionist history or some pollyanna view of our happy family life. I think we've done a pretty good job documenting the good the bad and the ugly over the course of going on 6 years. That being said, we're going thru a pretty good run of ugly right now.

Anyone who has been reading this for any length of time is probably aware that Jake has had sleep issues his entire life. If not just go back and search if you're interested, otherwise take my word for it. And not just sleep issues, but massive, WWIII level issues that have come and gone in severity over the course of his life. They have been difficult to deal with at the time, but we have never chalked it up to more than just, "well he's a kid and it's just a stage". We're beginning to think we've been really, really wrong about that.

About six weeks or so ago, the sleep problems began to manifest themselves in a new way. The issues with going to sleep and staying asleep came back, along with fears of being alone, walking to school by himself etc. He has never been a kid who has been able to watch scary movies, being easily frightened, but again we never really put two and two together. All of the sudden, we couldn't read books with tension in them, not scary stuff even per se, just dramatic tension. For example, in a baseball book we're reading right now, some guys showed up at the sandlot looking to develop the land, surveyors, not spies or hired killers, but SURVEYORS, and that got him all freaked out so that we stopped reading that book.

This coincided with a note home from the counselor at school giving us a heads up that Jake got really scared during the "stranger danger" presentation that she had given. He started refusing to walk to school by himself, afraid he was going to be grabbed and kidnapped. For those who have never been here, we can see the school from our house (it's three blocks) and can watch him walking 95% of the way there. He was terrified after that of being alone. Wouldn't go upstairs by himself, wouldn't walk to the library (closer than the school by 1/2) and of course bedtime and sleeping thru the night was out of the question.

We decided that we would have him skip the "gun safety" presentation (welcome to Idaho!). And he asked us if he could skip the "internet safety" presentation as well. He could verbalize (he didn't like to, but he could) that he was afraid of being kidnapped. We explained that it was a safe area, that kidnapping was a VERY rare occurrence etc. But this extended into his bedroom at night as well. He was afraid that people were going to break in and take him. We tried to show him all the doors and windows were locked, the lights were on, that he was in the room with his brother, that Mom and Dad were in the house (I actually sleep closer to him than Tanner does), that we have a dog in the house etc. but nothing made a difference. Once we realized how irrational this fear was, we decided we needed to get some help.

We took Jake to see a children/family therapist. Marisa and I met with her once and described what was going on, his past history, the triggers and the effect it was having on our family to her. She made an appointment to talk to Jake, but to my surprise, in our first session, she brought up that it sounded like a possibly anxiety disorder and that medication might be necessary. At this point, I was still in denial about needing medication. But she saw Jake and talked to him once before our trip to Hawaii, and has seen him several times since.

In Hawaii, our vacation rental was broken into. Talk about horrible timing. Police officers at the house, Mom's and Dad's making sure the house was locked up tight at night, and the conversation that ensued, didn't make things any better, so the kids all slept on the floor in our room for the rest of the trip. No one really lost it or acted out, but it was just easier to move them in with us.

Well, since we have been home, things have continued to get worse. Now, not only is bedtime rough for Jake and us, but he has started talking his brother in to calling out for him (as we are losing patience) and is trying to bribe Tanner into staying awake with him. Tanner told us this (we were concerned that it would start to happen so we talked to Tanner about it a while ago) and we talked to Jake to put a stop to it. Now once Tanner falls asleep, Jake leaves his room and runs downstairs, refusing to be upstairs alone (the only one awake anyway) he refuse to go to his room until we go upstairs with him as well. So lately we have been held prisoner in our room at night to get him to fall asleep. We then get to sleep until about 11:00 or so, when he wakes up and calls out for us. At that point we have the option to fight with him and wake the rest of the house (and possibly our neighbors) up (this is NOT hyperbole, I thought the cops were going to come, he was banging on his door so hard and screaming so loud) or go sleep with him in the guest room. As a result, we haven't gotten a full nights sleep, nor slept in the same bed for weeks.

At the therapists advice, we took him to see his pediatrician Monday. His Dr. is wonderful, both with him and with us. He took it very seriously, ordered blood work (which all came back fine) and stated that he thought it was a general anxiety disorder and probably would require medication as well. He has referred us to a Child Psychiatrist who we are waiting to see.

In the meantime, we can't sleep, we're depressed and we're worried. About Jake, about the little kids and the effect it's having on them, about sleeping, about bedtime, about being horrible parents who have no patience, about our marriage and our sanity.

There you go, a healthy dose of the "ugly".

Faithy Turns 4!

We put out her presents on Friday while she was at school, which led to her running back and forth we she got home, screaming, "I can't wait! I can't wait!". All week leading up and all day Saturday, all she could talk about was her "Happy Birthday" and what she hoped that each person had gotten her.

This week in school, it was also her turn to be "special person". She and Marisa (more Marisa than Faith) did her poster board and we got to go into her class and watch her present it. She pointed to all of the photos and explained who each person was and what she was doing with them. Her class and teacher then sang her the special person song and she got to excuse her classmates all one by one. She also got to take home the class Teddy Bear "Calvin" for the week. Calvin has been to our house before, but each time the children get him, he is supposed to accompany that person for the week and you complete a photo pages of what you did with Calvin when you were the special person. The photo album goes with Calvin to each home. It's pretty cool to see all of the places that Calvin has been.

Calvin went out with us on Saturday night to pizza with some friends. After dinner we stopped on the way home and got donuts for Faith's "Birthday Breakfast". Sunday morning Faith got up, had her donuts and then opened her presents. She got a couple of new "guys" a stuffed dog and bunny that she just loved, a new game which we played as soon as presents were done, some very pretty new clothes and new"ballerina stuff" and dance lessons from her Auntie Sue. She immediately changed into her ballerina clothes and we put in the ballerina lessons CD and she proceeded to dance around the living room to the music.

After the presents, we went to an indoor play area here called "Monkey Business". Faith had requested that she go there for her party. The guests that she wanted to invite were Tanner and Jake. So the three of them played in the obstacle course, bouncy house and giant slide for the next hour or so. We then went out and got lunch, ran some errands (the included picking up the Princess cake) and came back home.

After dinner and cake, which the kids liked less than the "idea" of cake. We had a movie night and watched "Alpha and Omega". After that it was off to bed for our exhausted and very happy four year old girl.

Hawaii!!

We've only been back since Saturday night but already it seems a lifetime ago so I'd better write this blog tonight before I forget everything I want to remember!

After a night at the Super 8 punctuated by a police and paramedic visit to the room across the hall for some idiot drinking Four Locos and taking who knows what at midnight, we took off for paradise at 430AM to catch our 600 flight. Having never flown with the kids before we wanted to get there early and through security. The kids were very excited about the whole thing: the shuttle to the airport, waiting in line to check luggage, taking off shoes and sweatshirts going through security ("Why do we have to take off our shoes, Mommy?" Ummmmm..... good question.). We took a small plane to Portland and Tanner especially loved watching the props turning, the loudness of the experience, the flight attendant serving him diet coke at 6AM.... it was all new to them and it was so much fun to watch them. Luckily our plane was right on time because we landed in Portland and literally walked right onto our flight to Honolulu- we got lucky because that connection was tight. The six hour flight went great- kids played video games and watched movies while Brian and I read our books for the most part. Once in Honolulu we basked briefly in the sunshine, then ate a quick lunch and caught the flight to Kauaii.

We were the first to arrive and after

arriving at the house we headed straight down to the beach to check it out. The kids were so excited!! They got in immediately and started playing "run away from the waves". Lots of screaming ensued. No fear from Tanner and Jake- you would have thought they had spent their weekends at the beach instead of this being their first experience. Faith was a little more nervous and kept farther away from the water the first afternoon, preferring instead to dig in the sand and watch her brothers.

All of the aunts and uncles and cousins arrived soon after and everyone played until it got dark. The house we stayed in was right on the beach- bordered by a grassy area perfect for games of baseball and football when it was too cold/early/rainy to walk the extra 50 yards to the water. Most mornings found us sitting outside on the patio with our coffee while the kids played together, followed by a morning boogie boarding at the beach, lunch at the house, then some type of afternoon outing.

One day we went into Hanalei- a cool little town about half hour north-to get lunch and Hawaiian Ice and watch the waves (the beach was closed due to the strong surf), another day we found a beach by a little river with a rope swing which the kids (old and young) loved. One day we went souvenier shopping and ice cream eating in nearby Kapa'a. On the fourth night there we headed into Poipu to catch the free Hula show at the Sheraton (we had seen it 7 years ago when we were there!) only to find out upon arrival (45 minute drive later) that there was no Hula show during the construction (website failed to mention the fact that most of the hotel was not accessible at all!). Should have called first I guess.... but it turned out OK in the long run as we found a great little restaurant nearby with good food and two big tables (one for kids one for adults) just as a gigantic thunder storm hit. We followed that up with some ice cream back at the Poipu shopping village and all was well with the world.

Tanner was a surfing pro. He loved

standing in the shallow ocean (sometimes just wet sand, really) and waiting for the waves to "hit" him. He looked like a surfer with his stance and his bleach blonde hair. He would ride out the little wave as long as he could then fall to the sand laughing. He could've done it for hours. Another day he spent hours digging a hole. It was so deep and once he got it started all the cousins began helping him, decorating it with sticks, making it deeper, etc... It was so much fun to watch them all. We kept track of the hole throughout the week, coming out to check on it first thing each morning to see if the surf had washed it away yet. Last we saw it was still there in all it's glory. At the end of the trip, he was a full on swimmer, bodysurfing the waves in over his head and loving it. This trip went a long way towards helping his confidence in the water.

Jake was great at boogie boarding and had no fear of the water at all. He would have gladly

gone out deeper if we had let him. The house had three boogie boards so the cousins all took turns using them while an adult stayed out in the water with them and "supervised" making sure none of them disappeared into the waves (one of my big fears). He kept at boogboarding and bodysurfing so much that he got a rash on his chest from the sand and surf. He also went off the "rope swing" at the river beach we went to. It was cold, fresh water and he had to swim across the river to get there, but he did it and had a lot of fun. He was so excited to play football on the beach and did so each day with Brian and John. He also organized baseball games out on our back lawn for all the cousins, coaching Aidan how to hit the ball properly.

Faith was content to stay in the very shallow area and play in the sand.

Whenever she could wrangle one or two of the surfboards from her cousins she would pretend they were here doggies or her horsies and would lead them around by the tethers, talking to them and bringing them to their "stable" (created in the sand with two funnoodles). She really wanted to go to a Hula Show and see the dancers so after our first failed attempt we tried again the next night at a different location. We went separate ways that night: Our family and Quincy went to the hula show; Kim's family and Jessa went to the tropical mini golf place nearby; Lisa and John had "date night".

The hula show was a great success. For the fourth song they invited all the kids up to learn how to dance and Faith was eager and willing to participate. She had on her grass skirt and hula top, her flower lei and bracelet and she followed along like a pro. After they taught the kids the dance they ended the show with one last song. The kids all went back to sit in the audience, but not Faith. She got up and stood behind them (off to the side) and copied all of their movements. At the end when the dancers all waved at the clapping audience, she waved, too. She was definitely the star of that number. What a ham!

Evenings were relatively quiet- kids in bed around 8 and adults in bed not much after 9. Except for the first night fiasco of Lisa's purse being stolen out of her bedroom (while we were in a different part of the house) and the general anxiety and typical bummer that kind of theft produces, the trip was wonderful. The kids slept on their own the first night, but after the theft was discovered, and the kids met the responding officers at the front door, they were on a mat in our room the rest of the trip. Falling asleep and waking up with the pounding surf in the background is always a great way to sleep. We are so grateful for the experience and the memories!