I flew to CA last week to move dad from the skilled nursing facility in Pacific Grove to his new home in Sunnyvale at Belmont Village. I took the kids and they stayed with Bill, Abby, and Aidan while Kim and I got dad settled in. We drove down to Pacific Grove, packed up his things that were there, and headed to his new home. He didn’t really understand where we were going or why. He alternated between thinking we were in the army and thinking we were on a family vacation. It was hard but overall he seemed OK with the move so that was good. Brian had to coach baseball so he wasn’t able to come with us. I was bummed, as it has been a really long haul- emotionally and physically- going through this with my dad, but I understood. Imagine my surprise when it was10:00PM in CA and I received a phone call from Brian telling me he was right down the street. He had coached his game from 9-12 then gotten in the truck and driven straight to San Jose- 11+ hours- so he could be there with me on Sunday when I brought the kids to see their Papa. That man is good with the “grand gesture”!! I was pretty happy to replace my partner in bed (Faith) with her daddy. I was touched and the kids were absolutely astounded that Brian drove 12 hours there and 12 hours back so he could spend about 10 hours with us in CA!
After getting Dad settled on Saturday evening, I took the kids to see him Sunday morning. He was really happy to see them and I experienced a very touching moment with him and all three of them. He had pulled them all in close to him (after asking Tanner and Jake what their sister’s name was) and had them on his bed and proceeded to tell them how very proud he is of them and how much he loves them all. I got it most of it on video and I know how special this moment will always remain to me and once they are older and rewatch the moment on video I know they will appreciate it on a deeper level.
Jake was awesome with Papa. He was the only one not really afraid of dad. Tanner and Faith were a little nervous around him (understandably so) but Jake was really able to be natural with him, talk to him, make conversation, and joke with him. He lovingly hugged him and held his hand throughout the visit. When Dad said something that was “off” Jake was able to roll with it. When the nurse tried to get dad to shower and change clothes and he refused Jake was able to get him to change his mind. It was pretty special to see.
Quincy and Jessa had gotten Papa some Captain America PJs when they were there last month and since Tanner’s favorite tshirt is his Captain America shirt, he decided he would wear it when we visited Dad. Dad happened to be wearing his shirt, too, and I got some great pictures of the two them together in their matching shirts…but I somehow deleted them and despite great efforts to recover them, it appears they are gone for good. I will try to recreate the pic when we return in June!
Despite the sad circumstances the cousins all had fun together over the weekend. Jake made friends with some of Abby’s friends and, in fact, now has his first “girlfriend”. He has been “instagramming” and “face timing” with her, as well as texting with her since we got back. Apparently he asked her to be his girlfriend and she agreed but also said, “To be honest, I’m not really sure what that means…”. He’s pretty excited for our June trip out to San Jose because now he gets to spend time with Papa AND with his girlfriend!
On the way airplane on the way home Jake wrote Brian and I a letter describing why he thinks he should get to go visit Papa more often. We had talked about how expensive it is to get there and had told the kids that I will be visiting frequently but they will probably not get to see Papa anywhere near as often. Jake’s essay is below:
Why You Should Let Me Visit Papa Often
First of all, he loves having kids there and I personally think he is better with kids there. So far four people have commented on how good I am with Papa. If I do such a good job with Papa, and he likes kids there, why can’t I help him get better? I think he is not as depressed when I am there. I understand how how much the flights cost but do other flights cost more than the antidepressant pill?
Second, Papa and I get along really well- almost like best friends. We talk about sports and joke around. I have made him smile and laugh. Many people say “laughter is the best medicine”.
Also, I feel that I am really good at convincing Papa to do something (like taking a shower) and also making him feel useful, which is very important. Is it just a coincidence that he is much stronger and eating way better since I came? This is one of my strong suits.
If you think this is because I want to see Ava, you would be wrong. I want to help Papa and I think I can do that with what I have seen. Seeing Ava is just a bonus J I know that family comes first and you know that, too. If I’m helping family, then what’s the big deal? Why can’t I go see him more often?
Things I Would Help Papa With
· Papa likes a little competition so we could play Wii together or play a quick game of trivia
· I can just take him down to the courtyard to talk. We have endless topics to talk about
· We can walk down to the courtyard to get exercise
No offense to Tanner, Faith, Abby, or Aidan, but they get kind of nervous around Papa and don’t talk, while I am up fron t and talk to him and ask questions he can answer for me to make him feel useful, like “Papa, I really like 60’s music, can you recommend anything?” or “I am just wondering what it was like being a pilot”. Just little things like that I think would help.
I have a big heart and want to help Papa and I kind of have to be there to help him. Let me put my heart into this and help. It’s not just grown-up business. Think about what would be best for Papa.
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